I sat staring at my phone for what felt like an eternity. I couldn't bring myself to open up social media, texts or, God forbid, photos. I definitely couldn't look at photos portraying happiness after realizing how surface that happiness was. My phone, usually a lifeline to my friends and family, felt like a deadly weapon that had just shot straight through me. I just sat there staring. I was numb. It's like the split second after you stub your toe, before the pain clearly shoots through your foot... you know it's coming.
That's where I was left after I got the phone call explaining my marriage was over. In a room, alone and broken hearted. I didn't have words at first. I cried silently. Then I cried loudly. I sulked in a dark room. I escaped with worship and then sometimes with tv. I wanted mindlessness that would cause me not to think. But when I couldn't escape the thoughts of her and him, of devastation and betrayal, of babies not born and dreams swiftly ended... I wrote.
I wrote this several years ago. I wrote it from a place of misery, pain and more importantly, desperation for my "mountain-top moment" to come again. Please watch, listen to the words and be encouraged.
Wherever you are... Whatever you are going through... Your feet will be steadied and your heart made whole. Don't give in to waves that are attempting to suffocate you. Fight against the current. I did. I fought, at times, for my sanity. I fought for my dignity and those times that I had no fight left in me, I let God take over. And so far, my friend, so good.